Confession

by Phyllis

This is very difficult. I mean, I have done many things in my life I am not proud of. It's just that I get angry at myself when I repeat the same mistake. I know I shouldn't do it, but I cave in. Yes, I know I am human, but it still sucks.

And the thing I am talking about is something I promised myself I would never do again. It made me feel bad. I mean really physically ill, know what I mean? I can't take it back now and it has had devastating results. Aside from feeling sick inside, my self esteem has taken a huge hit. I struggle with self esteem anyway, so this just made me feel worthless.

Okay, enough of the cryptic prelude: last Tuesday, I went somewhere I shouldn't have gone. This place is like my own personal Mos Eisley, because I really believe, like Obi-Wan said, "you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy." Okay, so the people there aren't villains, I guess, but what they are doing is wrong. It is NOT healthy, and they need to stop. But when I look at them, I can see they are not as disappointed with themselves for being there as I am. The smiles on their faces tell me otherwise. And that adds to how bad I feel. It is just SO wrong.

But I need to let this out, so I am no longer hiding a painful secret, so someone will reach out to me and help. Please don't hate me and DO see this as a cry for help. And here it is:

Last Tuesday, I went and had lunch at The Great Wall Restaurant.