Miscellany; or, der Wortmetzger

In a previous post I raved about Sirius satellite radio, but I have still not pulled the trigger. So in the meantime, as I drive to and from work and from school to school when I am at work, I listen to 'terrestrial' radio. And, as you are aware, the chore of listening to any of the FM stations is wholly insupportable, which forces me, notwithstanding the dearth of anything entertaining on the AM band, to take what I can get. I settle on 1350. You know, KTIK, the Ticket! THE Sports Station (imagine the gravelly yet golden-throated voice-over guy saying it).

My "favorite" is Idaho Sports Talk, if only for the daily demonstrations of idiocy displayed by Caves and Prater. But Caves has an upside that makes him truly entertaining, for which I have nicknamed him "der Wortmetzger." (It isn't that hard; figure it out.) Yesterday, he was mentioning Yannick Noah and his reaction to his son being busted for pot and alcohol, "and the subsuing controversy." Subsuing. I loved it. I wonder how long until he uses "ensequent." Anyway, tune in and see what word he butchers today.

On the subject of words, albeit not the carving up of existing ones to create new and entertaining gems, I looked on my fridge today and saw a magnet-with-notepad-attached. My "realtor" (or should I say "realator") sent it to me so I could remember him the next time I want to sell my house. On his card I noticed a title he has now that he didn't before: "Relocation Specialist." Nice. I love clever stuff like that.

Okay, not really. I hate it. So here is your homework: come up with a clever new title for my job. I am a Network Administrator or IT guy or Computer Dude, depending on who I talk to. What should I call myself? Come up with something good, and remember, it has to be clever.

You know, clever, like the radio commercials from Netflix. Have you heard these? Awful. And stupid. And above all that, they don't make sense! If you haven't heard one, I will do my best to paint a 'word picture' for you now. (I hate the pseudo-intellectual term 'word picture,' by the way.)

Netflix commercial: We hear a man's voice saying (with a drum roll in the background), "...and now, for the bonus round. What is the square root of January 13?"

Contestant: "The Ides of March!"

Host guy: "Correct! Next question: (Insert an equally 'clever' and nonsensical question, like the first one, here.)"

Contestant: "(Another ridiculous, uninspired, and many times confusing answer here.)"

Host: "Correct! Now, how many movies have been delivered to satisfied Netflix customers?"

Contestant: "Over one billion!"

Host: "CORRECT!" Crowd cheers and Netflix voice-over guy makes his pitch.

All right. Now I admit I am a guy who likes patterns and for things to make sense. So when the commercial juxtaposes the third 'legitimate' question and answer with the two previous phony questions which try to be funny and 'clever,' it doesn't work for me. The pattern set for me by the first two questions make me feel like the third one is a bunch of crap, also. It's stupid, not funny, and not smart.

I am not a Netflix customer, in case you wondered.