Guest Post

by Koozown

Reason #87 to never forget your earbuds when going to the gym

Today was Mommy’s Day Out at our local gym. For a mere $10, Mommy drops Princess Angel off and leaves for three hours of freedom. It’s a pretty good deal (on top of the $90 we already pay every month) and Princess Angel loves it. Today she got to go for a nature walk to gather seeds, she made a Leprechaun hat with an orange beard, she powered through her Banana Monkey Milk, and generally had a ball. And today, since Mommy’s freedom was centered around getting a new hairdo, Princess Angel pickup duty fell to Daddy the Dragon Slayer.

Due primarily to poor planning I arrived at the gym nearly a half an hour early; just enough time to swell my core before my daughter finished her craft project. However, since I hadn’t planned on stacking my abdominals, I didn’t have my iPod or my earbuds. And that is where this lesson begins.

Actually it begins on the stretching/core workout mats in the Northeast corner. So far I’m doing just fine blocking out the terrible music blaring over the PA. You know the kind of music that everybody knows the lyrics and tune to, but everyone secretly hates but still gets played all the time? Instinctively I reached down to turn up the iPod volume. Alas, no iPod. And so it was that at that moment I realized I was overhearing a conversation I would much rather not have to hear. And thinking back on it, I can’t even believe it could actually take place.

Stretching on the mats are two large male stackers who are both yoked to the besheesh. I see them getting swollen frequently; throwing up huge numbers on bench presses of all angles. Mad props to them and their puffy chests. But that is where it all goes haywire.

Here is what ensued:

Stacker 1: I was watching that Kansas team play the other night. They were playing Mississippi in the SEC tournament. Man they got a couple bruthas that just take it and dunk it in your face. Really aggressive. I picked them in my bracket.
Stacker 2: Is this week the Final Four?
S1: No, but the tournament starts this week.
S2: So there’s 2 rounds before the Final Four?
S1: No, there’s 3.
S2: Oh, that’s right. There’s the Elite Eight and all that.
S1: Well it starts with 64 teams and goes down from there.
S2: That’s right. And then the Sweet Sixteen.
S1: Well, first it goes to 32, then 16.
S2: But there’s 64 to start. Then 32.
S1: Then 16, 8, 4, then 2.
S2: Then a winner.
S1: Right.

I must’ve looked a bit odd down on my knees in the middle of the weight room earnestly praying that Kansas be kept from winning the National Championship this year. Sorry Jayhawk fans. But hey, at least you won the SEC. I guess…